DBT: Interpersonal Effectiveness, Part 2

Primary source for this post: DBT Skills Training Handbook and Worksheets, Second Edition, by Linehan, Marsha.  Copyright 2015

Hello everyone! Last night I got to watch some awesome fireworks, set off by my brothers and a whole slew of boy cousins! We have 11 boys in the cousin family tree…. and 2 girls! So it’s been an active weekend! So far, I’ve enjoyed every moment 😊


A quick DBT tip today: we’ve discussed how to be effective in reaching our goal. We talked about describing, expressing, asserting, and reinforcing, and how we need to be mindful, appear confident, and yet be willing to negotiate.

But as I also pointed out, we need to be effective towards people as well.  We need to remember the relationships in our lives are of eternal significance, and therefore more important than temporary desires. So, my tip today?

When trying to reach your goals, remember GIVE:

Be Gentle.  Don’t use attacks or manipulation to get what you want. Sneering, ridiculing, or harassing may help you reach a short term goal, but will hurt you in the long run.

At least appear Interested. Stay focused, make eye contact, and be patient enough to listen. Don’t interrupt the other person, even if they are saying something you don’t want to hear.

Validate the other person. Listen to them, give them a fair and genuine hearing, acknowledge the reality of their experiences and opinions. You don’t have to agree on everything with them, but maintain a respectful conversation.

Finally, use an Easy manner. Obviously, these principles all depend slightly on the situation.  If appropriate, temper your requests with some humor, or at least a smile and polite manner. A little courtesy can go a long way!

I love you guys! Talk to you soon 😊

2 thoughts on “DBT: Interpersonal Effectiveness, Part 2

  1. It always bothers me when the person I am talking looks uninterested, away from me, and that what I am saying doesn’t matter. I know sometimes I am guilty of this too, though, and try to be aware of what I am doing. : )

    Liked by 1 person

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