Deep Dark Holes

I have lots of memories of you and me

most of them not too happy.

See, I was having trouble with my mind;

I suspect you were too at times.

I thought I kept the record straight

but my whole story’s skewed by pain.


My Mama always said, ‘takes 2 to make a fight,’

But there’s only 1 victim of a grudge.

The trouble is, my heart’s still there

reliving the past at only a nudge.


I tried to forget, but I skipped forgiving

and you were stuck in the circuits beneath my hair.

I tried to forgive but I found myself bitter

for the child who’s no longer there.


So I’m praying desperately,

for grace to forgive, cause my heart just can’t

when I try to do it all on my own

I simply cry and rant

Hurts go to Jesus, not deep dark holes

that treasure up blisters and poison our souls.

I’m not denying the pain, but I am denying

its power, the power pain can hold over me.

Jesus, I choose to forgive, forgive my

own slowness and please, set us free.


I’m learning that forgiveness takes time

Some mornings it’s all I have strength to do,

and I’m learning to see the unforgiveness in me

and more of the good in you.


Some days I try to take back control

of the burden that isn’t mine to bear

and other times I smile

there are sweet times that we share.


This is so hard

but I want you to know

I forgive you and

I love you, please,

forgive me for the bruises I gave you.


I realize I may never receive an apology

but that’s not what this is about.

This is me realizing on my knees that I need grace

to forgive, cause my heart just can’t;

my will’s working fine, but my soul’s

bitterness bent.  Hurts go to Jesus,

not deep dark holes

that treasure our blisters and poison our souls.

I’m tired of denying the pain and giving into its power.


Lord, in all the bad dreams and the aftermath,

You are greater than my heart and my past.

So please help me.

Help me.

I want to move on

and be who You want me to be.

Forgive, my soul, and be free.


11 thoughts on “Deep Dark Holes

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